Soul search
After having done some internal reflecting, I've come to the conclusion that it's not healthy to close yourself off into your private little world once you've embarked upon a marriage/long-term relationship.
I've been so internally focused these past 6 years, that I've managed to lose not only some of the best friendships I ever had, but aparently, even the art of casual conversation, harmless flirting, and just plain having fun with the crowd.
It was not intentional nor even all that drastic, but more of a slow slipping away from the community of people I knew into the world of privacy that seemed so much safer.
I'd visit people's blogs, keep tabs on what they were doing and where they were, but they never knew. The status of lurker was all too easy to maintain. No having to deal with unsatisfied readers, no one to throw nasty comments my way, no one to harass my beliefs, no one to ridicule my way of expressing myself.
But also, no one to know me, no one to relate and sympathize with the changes my life was taking, no one to just have a friendly chat with, no one to see the side of me that lies hidden. My life was no open book. The topics I ended up talking about when friends did visit were trivial, and I fear, more often than not, completely uninteresting to the listener. (A fact proven when on more than one occasion, they'd blank out or suddenly start talking to someone else while in the middle of a conversation with me. Was I really that dull?!)
Perhaps I've been a little too safe. A little too careful.
So for those friends I've lost touch with, for the closeness I gave up, I'm sorry.
Jace, you were one of the best listeners I know. If you ever happen on this blog, I regret having given up what was a great friendship. You were always there to listen to me when I needed someone to talk to. I miss our friendship.
I have determined to try and come out of my shell a little more. To risk exposure, even if that means people know me once again and think they can predict my future. I've proven them wrong before, I can do it again.
Who knows, I may even start getting a comment or two!
I've been so internally focused these past 6 years, that I've managed to lose not only some of the best friendships I ever had, but aparently, even the art of casual conversation, harmless flirting, and just plain having fun with the crowd.
It was not intentional nor even all that drastic, but more of a slow slipping away from the community of people I knew into the world of privacy that seemed so much safer.
I'd visit people's blogs, keep tabs on what they were doing and where they were, but they never knew. The status of lurker was all too easy to maintain. No having to deal with unsatisfied readers, no one to throw nasty comments my way, no one to harass my beliefs, no one to ridicule my way of expressing myself.
But also, no one to know me, no one to relate and sympathize with the changes my life was taking, no one to just have a friendly chat with, no one to see the side of me that lies hidden. My life was no open book. The topics I ended up talking about when friends did visit were trivial, and I fear, more often than not, completely uninteresting to the listener. (A fact proven when on more than one occasion, they'd blank out or suddenly start talking to someone else while in the middle of a conversation with me. Was I really that dull?!)
Perhaps I've been a little too safe. A little too careful.
So for those friends I've lost touch with, for the closeness I gave up, I'm sorry.
Jace, you were one of the best listeners I know. If you ever happen on this blog, I regret having given up what was a great friendship. You were always there to listen to me when I needed someone to talk to. I miss our friendship.
I have determined to try and come out of my shell a little more. To risk exposure, even if that means people know me once again and think they can predict my future. I've proven them wrong before, I can do it again.
Who knows, I may even start getting a comment or two!
