Kids vs. Dreams
When Alice was first born I struggled immensely with balancing out the things I had to/wanted to do and coping with caring for a baby. I know I wasted a lot of time in things that I thought I needed to do, and in not having a structured enough schedule. I used to think I was a fairly organized person, but there's nothing like having a kid to show you just how unorganized you really are.
Number two came along and I was sure that I would never cope. I had my sister helping out with Alice for a good portion of the day and Evy took these deliciously long naps, but even then, there never seemed to be enough time.
Moving from my cozy situation into a pioneer situation with not enough personnel to raise the funds, clean the house, cook and care for the 4 tiny kids, I came to the realization that if I was going to be a good mother and teacher, then I'd have to be willing to forsake my dreams of what I had wanted to be and do, and look at the reality that I was a mother and teacher and just needed to buckle down, accept my "fate" and do what needed to be done.
It was a hard decision to come to and I felt like my dreams were about to "walk the plank". But I knew it was the right thing to do and I wanted to be a good mother and do what's right for my kids. So, into the rubbish bin went my hobbies, dreams and ambitions. I put time and effort into creating the kids' curicculum, and doing what I could to ensure that they were getting a good (enough) education and had all their needs met.
Imagine my surprise when, after a bit of adjustment and better scheduling, I now find myself with time to not only give my kids what they deserve in the way of their education (which I found I also really enjoy doing), but find the time to dabble (more and more) in the type of work/ministry that I've dreamt about and always wanted to work in.
It was really the whole, "put it on the altar and the Lord will give it back to you" scenerio as I truly felt like I'd never again have the oppertunity to learn and grow in the areas that I wanted to specialize in, yet the Lord knew that eventually He'd repay. I'm very thankful that the Lord helped me make that initial sacrifice and immensely grateful that He saw fit to give it back to me.
I have by no means arrived in the organizational aspect, and each day I'm learning more about how to fit things in, and what's actually necessary to take care of now and what can wait. I find we often make decisions based on what we were taught or what is "proper", without really looking at whether it is needed. I've come to the conclusion that I'd rather be the mom who was relaxed, had fun with my kids and enjoyed their childhood than to be remembered by them as the mom that had everything in perfect order, but was always stressed out.
By God's grace I will continue to find the right balance, and that more and more I will be able to have my preferred ministries be used by Him and for the good of my home. -and when I'm good enough, perhaps even to make some extra cash! :D
Yay!
